April's Adoption Story

Hello friends! Due to my last post about the Baby Jesus Baby Shower project, you may have come to the conclusion that I am pro-life, which is right! I have participated in pro-life activities all throughout high school. While I was in high school, I attended the March for Life in Lincoln, NE. I also helped put together layettes for the Baby Jesus Baby Shower in my hometown before starting the project here in Chadron. This past summer I volunteered to be a prayer warrior for an end to abortion through the Right to Life. Now, I volunteer at the BirthRight here in Chadron!

Since January is when the national March for Life takes place, I wanted to write about something related to being pro-life. When deciding on a topic, I chose to go into an option that is often overlooked, which is adoption. Oftentimes when options are being considered, it is between abortion and parenting the child. It is sad that we live in a world where putting a child up for adoption is more cruel than having an abortion, but unfortunately we do. Adoption is a beautiful thing! When I decided to write about the topic of adoption, I decided to interview one of my best friends, April. April was adopted by her parents when she was just a baby and her story is definitely worth a listen and read!

I started by asking her about her adoption process. "I was adopted at the hospital at birth. My parents picked me up from the hospital and that is the extent that I remember. I've heard stories, but the adoption process was a little more tedious than that." She then went on to tell me that her adoptive family first adopted her older sister, who is ten years older than her, and then they adopted another little girl. They only had the second little girl for a short period of time before the birth mother decided that she wanted her back and they never knew what happened to her. After her parents had to give the little girl back, they decided that they were done adopting. "It was a long process, it was hard, and it was sad so they were done."

"Then they got a call about me, and if they wanted me my birth mom had chose them." They were on vacation in Estes park when they received the call. "They said we aren't coming back from vacation. We just got here. If you give us a few days we will come when we get back and take her." After their vacation they went and picked up April from the hospital. Her adoptive mom let April's sister name her. Growing up, April had what's called an open adoption, so she did get to know her birth family some. Her parents explained to her that she was adopted as she grew more to understand, and she got to see her birth mom a few times a year. "I got to know my birth mom until I was about five and she was killed in an accident." Her birth mom and her boyfriend had gotten into a bad situation at a party and made some bad decisions. She's not for sure on who her birth father is, they think that it may have been her mother's boyfriend that she was with at that time. Even today she is still in contact with her birth mom's family. Since she was a baby when she was adopted, she doesn't remember meeting her adoptive family for the first time. "I grew up with them, but throughout the years I've gotten to know them more!" She then told me that she has noticed certain characteristic or aspects of life that she gets from both her adoptive parents and birth family.

I then asked her if she ever felt different growing up with an adoptive family instead of her biological family. "Yeah I feel different, but my adoptive family, they are my family. Tod and Cindy are my mom and dad." She told me that she cares about her birth family, but she doesn't see her parents as her adoptive parents. "I don't look at as Cindy and Tod as my adoptive parents. I look at it as they chose me! I was lucky that I got with a good family and I love them all very much!" She knows that she is built differently than her family and that she has different personality traits than them. People always told her that she looks like her adoptive dad, but she wanted to know if she looked like her birth parents. She has seen pictures of her birth mom and thinks that she has some resemblance to her, but since she's not sure who her birth father is so she doesn't know what he looks like. "I feel like it's a compliment when people say "oh you look like your dad" or "you're definitely a Wagner" I'm always going to have the curiosity. like who is he, is he still alive, do I look like him? I'll always be curious, but I'm mot searching."

I asked her if she thinks that everything has happened for a reason and she said "Wow am I the candidate for that! Yes I do. I think everything in life is a lesson or a blessing, or it's a lesson that's a blessing in disguise." When April was a freshman in high school her mom got breast cancer. "It was really hard, but she beat it though! She was in remission." Her junior year, her dad got into a bad motorcycle accident, but he recovered from that. He hurt sections of his vertebrae, broke three ribs, punctured a lung, and fractured his sternum. "If he wasn't wearing a helmet he would've died." Life got a little better. She went through her junior year and went to visit a friend in Berlin, Germany, and was ready for her senior year. That year her dad got deployed to Arizona. "It's hard not having him home, but he's only in Arizona. At least it's not somewhere like Afghanistan. We got to go visit him over breaks and that was fine. Then I found a lump on my mom's head. It was about the size of a marble." April convinced her to go to the doctor and the doctor said it was just an ingrown hair. It kept getting bigger and finally April asked the doctor to look more thoroughly at it. "They did tests and she lit up like a Christmas tree." Her mom now has terminal breast cancer. She has been through many rounds of treatment, surgeries, brain surgeries, and radiation. April often stayed home to take care of her mom.

After a few months, she came up here to college at Chadron State. "Life is pretty good. But now we are sitting at nine months, no I'm not pregnant haha! Doctors gave us seven months to a year for my mom to live. Even through all of this, which is a lot, I've still found that you can't be upset . You can't be depressed and sad and "why me! why me!" It's not going to make it any better. It's just going to make the time you have left worse. You've got to have a positive outlook because no matter what happens, it happened for a reason. If I didn't have my faith through this, I would've been crumbled a long time ago. I have very strong faith, and no one is going to ruin that." She told me that sometimes bad things happen to help us mature and become closer to God. The small things in life don't always matter. "Pick and choose your battles. Because it's not worth it."

April told me that she thinks her own story is unique, but she said everybody is unique in their own way. "Yes maybe I'm adopted, but everyone holds their own trials and hardships. So maybe the stuff I'm going through is really bad, but I can't look down on others for thinking they're going through the worst thing because maybe it's not the worst thing to me, but it's the worst hardship they've ever gone through." She stated that we all grow up in different families, households, countries, states, and have different interests. "I don't think that I am more unique than anyone else because I think we're all uniquely unique. God created only one of all of us!"

I brought up that some people who believe in abortion see it cruel to put a baby or child up for adoption or into the foster care system. April told me that she definitely doesn't agree with that. Sure there are bad families and situations out there. Even some foster homes are abusive towards the children. "But, I think that falls on the baby, or person to be, themselves. If they grow up sulking and saying their life is crappy, this is so horrible, why do I even want to try, I'm not going to go to school, then their life is going to be pretty crappy. But if you take the bullet, and say ok that stung a little bit but I can get through this and you find good figures, you will go far." She is the perfect testimony to her own statement. She could've chose to sulk in how bad things were going for her, but instead she got back up every single time. Now she is in college majoring in human biology with a minor in chemistry. She is currently a pre-med student and has a goal of going to Vanderbilt for medical school. I have no doubt in my mind that she won't make it there! "I'm not saying that there aren't bad situations in foster care or adoption. But there are bad situations for kids who don't get adopted or foster care. There's just bad situations in general with lots of people. But there are good situations too! I think that the people who are put into bad situations can choose to persevere and push through to love a new family, like their own kids and spouse. You make your own choices and you're your own person.

When someone asks April why she is pro-life and pro-adoption, this is what she had to say. "I'm pro-life because we are not the ones who created the baby. Yes people have sex but God already knew the baby before then. God is the creator and it is God's child. So for us to turn around and kill it because we don't want the child, that's not our place to do! We don't decide who lives and who dies. That's God. God decides when we live and die. It's not our place to choose and the babies can't make the decision on their own, so we should not make that decision for them. I am pro-adoption because there are situations where this fourteen year old became pregnant. Now what is she going to do? Adoption is a good thing. It's a long process, it's expensive, it's hard, but it's worth it! My sister was adopted and I was adopted. I don't think we would have been in horrible families if we weren't adopted, but our life is much better. It would've been different." April's sister's birth mom was thirteen when she had her and April's mom was sixteen. She then with a lot of emotion said that the opportunities and family that she got wouldn't have happened if her mom would've had an abortion. "I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have met Shelby! I wouldn't have fallen head over heels for a guy and humiliated myself in the science department. While those sound like bad things, those are just experiences that make you stronger. And I'm thankful! I wouldn't have been in the science program. I wouldn't have met my friend Carl from Berlin. I would be dead! Adoption is beautiful. I think foster care can be a great thing too! There are so many kids in needs of good, loving homes. Blood does not define. Blood is not thicker than water."

Thank you for reading about my sweet friend April! April, thank you for allowing me to share your story of inspiration, hardship, and love! You are a terrific person and friend who will go far in life!

April (right) and I at the Newman House, where we spend a lot of time studying and hanging out!